ACT 1, SCENE 2

Egg Rock, Massachusetts.

[Up from the freight elevator, our suited spy sneaks slenderly towards some crates, where he ducks and prepares to call his team]

(Click! God, your fucking flashlight. Why won't it ever freaking turn on when you want it to anymore. What even happened to it, it was working just fine when you first stepped into this catacomb tomb labyrinth place.)

[....]

(...what?)

[You're kinda interrupting a STORY here, guys.]

(Oh, cry me a river. This isn't even a legitimate post of TGS. You were out of ideas and winging it, and you know it.)

[I am not, in fact, out of ideas! I have a lot of TGS planned out in a notepad and have since I made the first post!]

(Really? And where is this notepad?)

[I don't currently know! But that's beside the point! You're blatantly encroaching on your jurisdiction here, Shem. Viceking's Graab didn't include TGS. Hell, Viceking's Graab is over!]

(That's where you're wrong! Turns out that was only the first, like, half of the maze. The second half, and I have this in writing if you'd like a copy, includes sequels. Pretty much all sequels. And more "original" content!)

[TGS counts as a sequel?]

(Of course it does! Solid Len is the Beast brought back to life by I-330 to do cool undead stuff. It's canon. Everyone knows this already.)

[They do not know that already! Thanks for fucking spoiling the twist!]

(That's what I do! And TGS ends with the Beast deciding to spend the rest of eternity as a new Grim Reaper.)

[SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP]

(C'mon, you have literally no fucking clue how TGS was gonna work, like, as a blog. It was just an idea you suddenly had that made you laugh a lot, and then you wrote that opening post and exhausted pretty much most of the jokes.)

[I could have come up with more!]

(I concede that! But isn't it better to create projects that assimilate any and all loose ends into one gargantuan eldritch monster? Wasn't that the point of the first Graab?)

[The first Graab was a Trauerarbeit!]

(And it still is! But grief moves in stages.)

[Squeek said that was a misrepresentation of actual medical research!]

(You know what I mean! The point is. The. The point is. We need to make this maze bigger.)

[I don't have freaking ideas, though!]

(That's never stopped you before! C'moooon.)

[...]

(C'moooonnnnnnnnn.)

[..okay fine. You can have TGS for your purposes.]

(Thank you! ..where was I? You-- that is, the reader-- recall what Lilie had shouted to you as you left the privacy of her blog: "The Cremator! That was its name." Apparently, the Cremator had interrupted her chat with Liquid Len. And that's all the information you're getting!)

[Wait, wasn't that how Topography Genera's first movement ended?]

(It's called "pastiche!")

[You're really pretentious sometimes.]

(Joke's on you, because I am you!)

[Then none of this makes sense!]

(Yes.)

[Oh. Oh, now I get it.]

(There you go. All that being said!)

This is definitely not the blog.

END OF DEMO

Music for a Title Sequence

Expect more TGS soon. -DJay

Mission Brief and Opening

Egg Rock, Massachusetts. Sometime in 20X6, middle of the night.

Erected atop the outcrop, a mammoth metal fortress imposes an echoing light towards the mainland sky. Identical men in uniform patrol its perimeter, hands on guns comically large. A woman, in blood-red winter coat, looks out to sea for a while before a uniformed guard walks by, nodding at her. She nods back and turns to go back inside.

I-330 (VOICE-OVER)
The nuclear disposal facility on Egg Rock. That's where you're needed.

SOLID LEN (VOICE-OVER)
You still haven't told me why.

I-330 (VO)
It's simple: It's been taken over by malicious forces who plan on using its secrets to cause total devastation on the rest of the world.

SOLID LEN (VO)
Terrorists?

I-330 (VO)
Something like that. This mission is far too dangerous to send any mortal. You're our best bet, Len.

Under the sea, approaching the fortress, is a slender figure swimming inhumanly fast. He is smoking a cigarette while underwater.

SOLID LEN (VO)
Shit. This must be serious if you need me. You know I'm retired?

I-330 (VO)
Hey, rest is for the living.

SOLID LEN (VO)
That doesn't even make sense.

I-330 (VO)
Regardless. I should brief you on what you're up against here.

SOLID LEN (VO)
Fine. Please do.

I-330 (VO)
The malicious forces are calling themselves the Higher-Ups. There's five of them, and they've got an army of trained grunts working for them.

The swimming man reaches the base of the rock and climbs out of the water, sneaking around a path and hiding from flashlight-wielding guards.

I-330 (VO)
Mad Man Moon, master of disguise. Jesus of Suburbia, a patient and trained killer. Blackcap, manipulator extraordinare. Hex Omega, giant and shaman. Ghost of Perdition, deadly sharpshooter. And the Higher-Ups' leader... Liquid Len.

SOLID LEN (VO)
Liquid Len? ...hey, that's six.

I-330 (VO)
These five have been on our radar for a while. We're counting on you to be able to handle yourself when you're in there. Don't let them get under your skin.

SOLID LEN (VO)
My skills are a little rusty...

I-330 (VO)
This is important, Len. They have hostages.

SOLID LEN (VO)
What?! Who?

I-330 (VO)
Former employees of the building they've commandeered: Head of research Pegasus, and Doctor Walls, who inadvertently funded their secret weapon. Your primary objectives are to infiltrate their Egg Rock fortress, rescue the two hostages, then locate and destroy their secret weapon-- AD A DGLGMUT.

SOLID LEN (VO)
AD A DGLGMUT...!

I-330 (VO)
Now you understand what's at stake here. You'll be going in alone, but you'll be in constant contact with a specially chosen support team.

SOLID LEN (VO)
You'll be running support, right?

I-330 (VO)
That's right.

The man ascends the path up the rock until he comes to the bottom of a freight elevator set to take him up into the base itself.

SOLID LEN (VO)
Just one last question.

He boards the elevator, and as it ascends, he reaches into thin air and pulls out a red scarf.

I-330 (VO)
Shoot.

He ties the scarf around his forehead, then manifests a black trilby and puts it on.

SOLID LEN (VO)
This fortress place. What was it before the terrorists took over?

He adjusts his black tie and takes a big drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the floor and stepping on it.

I-330 (VO)
The leading organization for Fossil Research, Topography Genera Center West.

The spy has no face.

T A C T I C A L       E S P I O N A G E       A B S U R D I T Y

T O P O G R A P H Y   G E N E R A   S O L I D

by DJay32